How to defend a lady’s honour
Tuesday, July 13th, 2010A lady’s honour is a precious thing, and it must be protected at every opportunity. Mostly because any efforts to do so will be handsomely rewarded. But a lady’s honour is not a tangible thing; she cannot accidentally spill it on a tablecloth or spend it on shoes, unless the shoes have ‘I’m a slut’ written on them.
Her honour is more like a castle; it can be high and strong, but sometimes she leaves her door open to any intruder. It’s your job to keep constant vigil on the Lady Watch, ready to counter-strike any siege on her bailey/feelings.
When a man calls a lady’s honour into question, the accuracy of his comments is unimportant (in fact, defending the dishonourable ladies is often more fruitful than the proper, frigid ladies), what’s important is that you seize the opportunity and quiet his flapping lips.
Most ladies abhor senseless violence, but when it’s done in their honour, they can’t help but be pleased. It excites them, and demonstrates your ability to protect them from negative attention, like tramps.
If you’re an alpha-male, then it’s your job to meet any criticisms with the might of your fist. But you can only do this to men; you can’t Chris Brown ladies or children. Or the disabled. Unless they’re only a bit disabled, like with dyslexia, or hay fever.
If physically dominating men is not your forte, let me reassure you that success is not required; it is the gesture of being affronted on a lady’s behalf that the means most to her. Indeed, it can even be beneficial to ‘take the fall’ at the hands of a more impressive man, so as to arouse the maternal sympathies of your lady. What better way to instigate intimacy than with the nursing of your pummelled visage?
Defending her honour is a great way to charm a lady, but when you’ve done it once, it will become expected of you. From swatting every arrow of slander, to braving every club of defamation, shielding a lady is a full time job. It’s a bit like being in the mafia, except with more tampons.
