Signs there is trouble in a relationship
Tuesday, April 13th, 2010
She starts using your full name
This is less a sign that your relationship is in trouble, but more you are. It’s a method mastered by mothers when they catch your hand in the biscuit tin, or to fast forward twenty-five years, caught watching Babecast. I don’t think women are aware of the disturbingly regressive powers inherent in speaking your full name. It’s particularly embarrassing when the shame of prematurely ejaculating is heightened by your partner’s disapproving cry, “Howard Joseph Bingleton!”
She keeps talking about someone at work
Be concerned if when she relates work anecdotes, the same name keeps coming up. Especially if they are reamed with compliments about “Ben’s physique,” “Ben’s sense of humour,” “Oh, hasn’t Ben got nice hair?” “Why can’t you be more like Ben?” and “I’m leaving you for Ben.” I’m naturally suspicious of anyone called Ben. What a ridiculous name.
She tells you there’s a problem
I would definitely be wary of this one. Nothing says there’s trouble in your relationship than it coming straight from the horse’s mouth. (NB: It is inadvisable during this time to draw comparisons between her mouth and that of a horse.)
When this happens, you need to assess the severity of the problem, and your ability to deal with it. If the problem is, “you never buy me flowers anymore,” then waste no time in defending yourself, and explain how market shortfalls and deteriorating climate conditions have made flower arrangements prohibitively expensive. However, if her problem is that she feels sexually unsatisfied and wants to have sex with other men, then you’re going to have to find a compromise.
